"Christians, especially ministers, so often think that they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking.
This goes into the category of things that come naturally to me. My problem is, once I do speak up, I'm apparently a conversation killer. I'm not sure why, it just seems to be how things go...which is one of the reasons starting a blog was difficult to me. I guess it will be a good exercise in starting discussions.
James 1:19-20 says, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."
I've probably taken that verse to its furthest extent at times, but I really have found something important in life - people work out things by talking it out. Very few people tell you about their problems so that you can be a bright, illuminating, brilliant star in their life, they just need to get it out!
This applies to discussions as well, I think, and here is where debating and discussion styles really come in. Think about it next time you are discussing a problem, philosophical question, scriptural topic, or whatever - how much of the discussion did you take up? You see, in my mind, I already know my position on things...what I'm interested in is how other people think. I do want to get time to share my opinions and thoughts, but I think the more valuable thing I can do is to let people get out what they are thinking about so that they are really working through it. Because when you really think about how we learn, it's not usually through an earth shattering argument or a mind blowing debate...it's through working through our own thoughts, evaluating our own experiences, and receiving opinions from people that we know love us and can express themselves in a loving way.
That is my literal conversation killer of the day.
Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because Christians are talking where they should be listening. But [the one] who can no longer listen to his brother [or sister] will soon be no longer listening to God either... This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual life, and in the end there is nothing left but spiritual chatter and clerical condescension arrayed in pious words."
-Deitrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together
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1 comments:
Been digesting this post for a few days especially the line, "My problem is, once I do speak up, I'm apparently a conversation killer. I'm not sure why..." I tried to think of instances when this would happen especially in light of the quote you posted.
I think maybe Mr. Bonhoeffer is both correct and incorrect in his assertion. Listening does not mean being quiet. Heck, if I'm talking to you and you are silent the whole time I'd think you were apathetic to my thoughts and I'd be mad.
I started thinking about how we talk to God and comparing it against your post. Although we think God is being silent we usually misinterpret responses of "No", "Be patient", or "I disagree" with silence.
I think the key is reflexive listening vs talking cause we think we are smart (read: trying to solve everyone's problems or speaking to show off). God is great at reflexive listening. We ask a question and he puts something in our lives that make us ask ourselves questions. The point here as the listener is intent and who are we trying to benefit. Are we trying to benefit the speaker or ourselves?
People will only share (make themselves vulnerable) with people they trust. When listening with a caring spirit it is a good thing if people stop sharing once you speak. It means someone they respect and that they know cares about them has given them something to think about. It could also mean that they feel you have heard and understood them (the reflexive part).
If God spoke to us like he did Adam or Moses I think there would be lots of "killed conversations". We tell God what we think and he would tell us what he thinks or ask us difficult questions. His wisdom and authority is what would kill the conversation rather than his inability to listen.
I should probably not respond to these on breaks at work so they are more intelligible. Oh well.
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